he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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