Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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