I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
