Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
