Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
