Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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