We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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