I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize