In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
