apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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