alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
