Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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