Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
