We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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