Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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