so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
