Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
