Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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