She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
