She went from zero to smokin in five shots
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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