I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
