i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
