im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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