I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize