Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
