What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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