I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
