Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
