I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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