When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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