I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
