She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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