Jerry, you need to find god
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
