You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
