hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
