Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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