The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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