to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
