The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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