i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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