sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
