In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
