Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
