Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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