After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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