No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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