Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
