yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
