Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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