So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
