I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
