She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
