he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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