seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm passing your future prison.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
