so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
