oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize