I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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