He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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