I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
