My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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