I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize