was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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