In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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