your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
