we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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