got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
