there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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