So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
