I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize