He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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