dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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