Are we in a gay sports bar?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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