omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
