you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I did not marry a roomba.
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