birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I forget how to act sober
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