My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
