I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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