if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
