Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i think i just lost a toe
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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