im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Randomize
