And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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