i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
